It seems as though every corner we turn, there are multiple people who have the key to our "problems." Our saving grace and healing has been used as a weapon against us for profit and control. I have learned the gift of discernment, but it hasn't been a clean path, but merely a path where I have needed to learn the dual nature of groups and learn what is my truth in a sea of other peoples' experiences and perspectives.
My Fascination with Human Behavior and Cults
I have this passion to understand human behavior, as it is just so fascinating to me - the core of why anyone does anything is my biggest curiosity. Lately, I have been investigating, in my own way, cults.
Denial and the Crumbling Walls of a Cult
Let me begin by saying that I would have never admitted I was in a cult, or was not even remotely close to thinking I was in a cult - when a person is in denial, they are in denial about being in denial. There was a whole process of the walls dissolving that I needed to see on my own. The more anyone "pushed" a certain perspective, the more of a wall was built.
Twin Flames: A Community Built on Love and Longing
As of late, I have seen a few documentaries and articles coming up within the spirit community, about Twin Flames and a "community" built around the concept of Twin Flames and the ever looking for "our one true love," the answer to our longing for unconditional love.
For those who do not know what the concept of twin flames are, let me share a little: "twin flames" are said to be two halves of one soul, that they are the opposite of each other and are Divine Counterparts. The theory goes that once you connect with this person, you just know. It is a strong soul connection that you cannot explain. Supposedly, Twin Flames are brought together to fulfill a higher purpose for the evolution of humanity.
I did have an experience with a relationship that catapulted me into extreme change, metaphysically, physically, and spiritually. I did at one time call this a twin flame relationship.
Today, I don't buy into these labels and say that it was a relationship that catapulted me into generational healing and finding my ONE TRUE Love - Me-GodSelf within All and Love in All.
Unmasking the Cult Aspects: Fear as the Driving Force
Looking back and analyzing the dynamics that are within any community, I see the cult aspects of bigger and smaller organizations. It's all driven by fear.
Fear you are going to hell.
Fear you are going to die.
Fear you won't be with your one true love.
Fear that you will be in the end of the world.
These "cults" offer a solution to the eternal fear - Never finding "home," Our Spirits being damned for eternity. Losing out on unconditional love.
The False Promises and Perpetuation of Shame
These organizations and groups offer a solution, but the solution only works if you do exactly as you say. If you don't follow the holy prescription, or don't work hard enough, or don't devote enough into your practice or service work - you will fail and die.
"They lost their way."
"They didn't want it enough."
"They went to the dark side."
"They aren't disciplined enough."
Then the shame is brought in when you don't behave or act in a way that follows suit. The idea that you did something "wrong" adds and perpetuates the cycle of finding outside of yourself to be your ONE answer. The cycle of being human is shameful, and you must correct your wrongs because you will die or live in hell.
The Control Mechanism: Exploiting Human Fear
It doesn't matter what organization or community is in question - if someone offers you a solution and the alternative is death or being forsaken - this is controlling and using people's biggest Human Fear to gain an upper hand on people.
The Illusion of Help and the Loss of Autonomy
I do believe that a lot of people who are in this situation want to help and fear the other person's suffering. They really do believe that they are helping the person - and really this is the only way they know how to do that.
But with this thought process, we take the other person's autonomy away - we only offer one side - we then project our fears onto whomever, because we want to "help" this person, and essentially want to make the world a better place because we see that our way "helped us," and therefore should help others, and then if it doesn't help the person, we blame the person - rather than looking further outside the "norm" of different pathways, or maybe the fact that this person's path is different from ours and they are not meant to use the same tools that have helped you.
The Cult Model: Pervasive in Our Society
Really this is everywhere in our society. This is the model of a cult - using shame and fear to get people to act in a certain way to fulfill a higher purpose, with the only answer being the one answer that this organization has.
My Experience in a Twin Flame Cult
One of the cults that I was in - was related to Twin Flames - I had found my salvation (again). I had found my meaning in life (again). I had found the answers (again). I had found what gave me purpose (again).
There was one person, I will not share her name, but... She offered a space for the "broken." She offered healing, insight, and guidance, all in the name of Unconditional Love. At first, It was so fun to be a part of this group, and she, to me, was like a celebrity in the world of "twin flames," and I was good friends with her - she offered a different way of living and seeing the world. It opened my eyes up to a whole new way of seeing things, and honestly, some of the deepest connections I made were from this group.
The Cycle of Suffering and the Bonds of "Doing Different Together"
When you are in a group that caters to the "suffering," the bonds that are made are quite deep - Just wanting to "do different together." Yet there are so many underlying components that keep people in the same cycle. Most people who have sought out a community for higher hope are deeply traumatized with addictions and childhood abuse - this was a common denominator in this particular group. The ones who sought Unconditional Love from their Twin flame were the ones that have been betrayed by society, the ones that had been shunned from the "others," the ones that have only wanted one thing, to be accepted and loved for all of the things that they are and are not. Twin Flames or any organization (insert your organization here) become this answer.
The Ouroboros of Fixation: When One Answer Becomes the Only Answer
What I began seeing, and what I see in other groups - is that they are so focused on one thing that everything else becomes wrong - that what they see as right now becomes the head of the ouroboros - Becoming so fixated on one answer that they cycles are the same things over and over and over - which is true for life, but typically when you make different choices this allows for a spiral, an inward and outward expansion, vs. only having focus on one part of healing that doesn't expand into different choices.
For me, what I saw that continued to get louder and louder was: the constant connection to someone, anyone, there was no actual disconnect to be able to actually learn about how to make new choices - People began to be dependent on the group and thought the group was the only way "out." People kept going into abusive and toxic relationships. To me, this was a huge red flag, because this was clearly perpetuating the cycle of the exact thing I wanted to make different choices about. I didn't really know how to begin to make new choices for myself until I allowed myself to be away from the group.
Leaning on Others vs. Learning to Be There for Myself
I sought answers from people in the group and wanted comfort constantly - yet - I saw the same thing show up for me over and over - the more I leaned on others, the more I didn't learn how to be there for myself. The teachings of Christ (Unity) Consciousness was the center and the "objective," aiming to see that I am you and you are me, and we are all God in different aspects - this I see true, however, this was used as a tool for manipulation. This was played on, and quite frankly then transformed into this female saying she is the Bride of Christ, and that's when I said I was out and blocked some of the big players attached to her. She started using Jesus as a tool and sharing that we were going to hell. She started using eternal hell and being "possessed" as a fear tactic. She began soliciting money for her "trips" (that would never happen). And shamed nearly everyone in this group. She became chained to this idea and used her "following" to push her beliefs onto the vulnerable.
The Truth Behind the Lies: Discerning Reality in a Cult
I remember when I first started hanging around this group, a few people called it a cult - I laughed and thought that is impossible. Every bigger lie began with a truth somewhere. Every lie has some truth to it. People take the information that they receive, over time it becomes information that has been regurgitated to the way that they made it into, for themselves.
Questioning My Truth and the Path to Self-Discovery
Here are some of the questions that came up for me before I committed to learning "my own truth":
"What new choices are being made?" I saw that what was talked about was just that - only talk. There was no embodiment of what was being talked about. You can do all the energy work you want, but if you do not cognitively assess and get to the core of how this energy and block were created in the first place - the energy work cannot be sustained and will continue to have the same perpetual clearings come up for you. Most people only want to do the metaphysical work, but don't want to look at the mind part of the healing process.
"How do they act in the world?" I saw that there was still so much division to people who did not see things similar to the way we saw things - we talked down upon and laughed at people who did not see what we saw - I am not gonna lie, there was definitely a superiority complex within me and others. Which was the exact thing that I was wanting to change within myself.
There came this point when I thought to myself, "wait, nothing is changing." It's the same thing over and over and over. When I began to speak more about what I was seeing, I would get push back and circled into the belief system of the group—I was starting to form my own perspective, and this was seen as "wrong." There came a point when I saw the lying and deceit and just left and blocked most people in that community. Once I was able to release the group, I began learning about my own truth that actually connected me to greater awareness of Love and inclusion. There are a couple people who now want to take down the woman who created that community - and I understand that perspective as well, however, bringing awareness and allowing people to make their own choices, is where I feel more of my power lies. I do see that there are many things that I would have not learned had I not been a part of that community, and I see that as part of the process.
The Evolution of Beliefs and the Importance of Questioning
Every belief system and ego construct serves a purpose, for a certain part of our lives. It is my perspective that we are meant to continually evolve those beliefs and shed the old thinking into a more harmonious and loving way of living. Cults and communities that have built their hierarchy on certain belief systems, don't allow for the evolution in expansive awareness, and this is where the shaming can come to the forefront. Questioning what is, to learn about the outside perspectives shakes the foundation of any group and individual.
Questions to Ponder for Those Questioning Their Community
If you find yourself in a community or group that sounds similar to this, know that this can be an extremely difficult and traumatic experience to learn to live without the validation of the members, however, this can be the most freeing experience when you do begin to question the trajectory of the community. Here are some questions to ponder:
"How has your sense of self changed since joining the community?"
"Do you feel like the community understands you better than anyone else?"
"Are there any topics you're discouraged from discussing within the community?"
"How does the community view the outside world?"
"Have you noticed any changes in your critical thinking skills since joining?"
"If you were to express doubts about the community's beliefs, how do you think others would react?"
"Have you made any major life decisions based on the community's teachings that you wouldn't have otherwise?"
"How does the community make you feel about yourself?"
"Do you ever feel like you're not living up to the community's expectations?"
"What would happen if you decided to leave the community?"
Embracing Autonomy, Discernment, and the Gray Areas
Again, this is not to point fingers, but to learn autonomy and discernment in a world where everyone claims to be our saving grace and holds the key to our healing. Nothing is black and white; there is a gray area, and when I have learned that the gray area serves a purpose and typically is where my truth is harnessed, I have been able to create a life that is not as rigid and is lived with the intention of empowerment and sovereignty. By embracing the gray areas and trusting our own intuition, we can forge a path towards a more authentic and empowered life.
If you feel guided to share, your support helps get the content circulating and helps brings awareness to these Topics! In gratitude for your presence and support!
In Love,
Elaine
More resources:
The International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA): This organization provides research, education, and support for individuals and families affected by cultic groups. Their website offers articles, resources, and a helpline.
Freedom of Mind Resource Center: This organization helps individuals and families affected by undue influence, thought reform, and controlling groups. They offer consultations, workshops, and online resources.
The Cult Education Institute: This organization provides information and resources to educate the public about cults and cultic groups. They offer a variety of articles, videos, and a podcast on their website.
Books:
"Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships" by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias
"Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of 'Brainwashing' in China" by Robert Jay Lifton
"Recovering from Churches That Abuse" by Ronald Enroth
"Cults in Our Midst" by Margaret Thaler Singer
"Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan
Documentaries:
"Holy Hell" (2016)
"Wild Wild Country" (2018)
"Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief" (2015)
"The Vow" (2020)
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